Wednesday, April 24, 2013

A First...

Conversation is going well, we're sharing dinner--and then her Grandma died.  Yeah, you've heard about people using that as an excuse to ditch class, or skip work...but on a date? 

Her:  "My brother has been trying to get a hold of Grandma has died."
Me:  "Shit.  That's horrible.  Do you need to go?  Or at least call someone?"
Her:  "No, no, I'll be OK.  There's nothing I can do anyw..." (Starts crying)
Me:  (Wow, she's not just trying to get out of a date, this actually happened.  I hate that I'm so cynical that I
        was even worried about the former possibility.  FUCKWHADDOIDO!?)

It all ended up turning out OK.  Well, for me anyway, though not so much for her.  Her Grandmother, the woman who pretty much raised her, had died after a long battle with cancer.  And then, after flying back to Chicago for the funeral, got caught in the middle of a huge rainstorm that flooded her parents out of house and home and prevented them from being able to bury the body in the cemetery she'd chosen for at least a week.  But we're supposed to go out again next week.  Still, helluva first date.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Post a Fucking Picture Already!

Despite the fact that I'm socially retarded, I do surprisingly well any time I go out to a bar with the intent of meeting a guy or girl.  There's very little remarkable about me, never the best-looking guy in the room, and I stumble over my words whenever I'm in the presence of someone I find attractive--and yet I my fair share of dating "leads", if you will.  And yet, despite proving this to myself time and time again, I insist on putting most of my efforts on finding that special someone into online dating.

It seems counterintuitive to me, that going out to a bar or coffee shop is the superior method, because when browsing through online profiles of potential dates you get to see more than just whether you're physically attracted to that person.  On OkCupid, you get more than just a glimpse into their educational background, their political affiliations, their tastes in music and other entertainment, and all of the information they're willing to give on the internet.  There's no surprises later on like, "Oh, I didn't tell you I'm a creationist?"  Or at least the chances are greatly reduced.  The essay questions are pretty decent and you have the option of answering as many opinion questions as you like, such as:  What are you opinions on gay marriage, gay adoption, God or the lack of one, ethics, etc.  And once you've filled out this info you're given a percentage of how likely the OkCupid algorithm thinks you are a potential match with others.  Seems logical enough.

Except that the whole thing is fucking stupid.  We all know someone who's met their husband or wife online, that cousin or acquaintance who found their match on eHarmony--well, those people are assholes.  Don't get me wrong, I've had some fun dates from my time on OkCupid, and met some great friends, but as far as meeting my highest percentage matches, my efforts have been for shit. 

One weird phenomenon that keeps popping up, women who don't want to post a picture of themselves on a dating site.  I don't message these girls, 'cause I'm not messaging anyone who doesn't have a picture, but they message me and then wonder why I don't want to go out.  I don't think it's weird or at all unreasonable to want to put a face to the personality I'm talking to.  That's not even a shallow guy thing, that's just you know, I'm putting myself out there so I'mma need you to to do the same.  I know what I like.  If I'm not attracted to you then it's likely not gonna happen.  That doesn't mean you need to be a classic beauty, I'm attracted to a wide variety of shapes, styles, etc., but I do need to be attracted to you, mind and body.  One girl's reasoning, "well I don't want to put a picture of myself on here because I see people I work with on here."  Sooo, people you work with don't assume you have a dating life?  "Did you hear about Diane?  She was on the internets looking to have "the sex"."  Seriously, we all have lives outside of work.  You've seen them on the website, do you think less of them because they have an online dating profile?  If so, you're a dick.  Has it effected their career path?  I'm gonna guess it hasn't.  And then, to top it off, she sent me a link to her Facebook profile...which was not set to private.  Which divulges way more compromising information than a fucking dating profile.  Jesus Hufflepuff Christ, how are you possibly an 84% match with me?! 

People are weird about the internet.  I kind of get it, we're all a little afraid of shit we say or do coming back to bite us in the ass.  But really, if you're on it you're already plugged into the system.  The proverbial "they" can get whatever information they want on you so relax and go with it.  Like the real world, just don't say or do anything you're not willing to be held accountable for should it find its way back to you.  Besides, what kind of picture are you going to take?  I have pictures of my goofy ass just being me.  Engaging in normal, every day activities like a softball game, out at a bar, on a road trip and so on.  I don't have a self pic of me in my tighty whities doing duck lips in a mirror.  That would be stupid.  That I would be embarrassed by and not want my friends, family, co-workers and potential dates to see.  That's why I don't put it on the internet.  Seriously, one or two clear, unambiguous photos of yourself in your dating profile really doesn't seem like too much to ask.